Introduction:
Letting go of the keys. How do adult children, spouses, and other family members have a conversation about road safety with their loved ones? How do they broach the subject of moving to the passenger seat from the driver’s seat? As we launch ITNAmerica’s new website and this blog, I thought I would say a few words about how I have learned to approach this sensitive subject for those we love. This transition often comes to us twice in our lives, first as we speak to older family members, and then again, as younger family members speak to us.
I told this story of my own parents’ transition years ago, so it is not just theory and statistics, but real people, dealing with a challenging time in their lives. Here is my blog, in four chapters, written 15 years ago, followed by updates.
Key Take-aways:
- Try to involve family members;
- Approach this as a way to support, rather than confront older people;
- Start talking before there is a crisis.
My Parents’ Transition to the Passenger Seat
Originally posted December 31, 2009
Chapter One: Older Drivers, a Family Affair
My parents have given me permission to tell their story—this story. The transition from driving is a family affair. I dedicate this story to their good hearts, to my family, and to the millions of families across the nation who will gather for the holidays and struggle with this hidden problem. How do older people make the transition from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat with dignity and independence?
I began talking to my sister and brothers about our parents’ situation a few months before one of ITNAmerica’s sponsors asked me to write about the transition from driving for their website. At first, I only wanted to write about statistically significant research results, but they encouraged me to write from my years of experience with older drivers and their families and what I knew to be the core issues. There is a time for science, and a time for heart and instinct, and I think that in the best leaps in understanding they blend together. Writing from my own life events, as well as my professional experience, I realize I have actually taken my own advice. I think they call this “taking a dose of your own medicine.”
Like many families, ours is spread over several states, so the conversation began by email among the adult children. I got things started by writing to everyone saying that I thought we needed to talk about how to support our parents’ wishes about living arrangements and transportation before there was a health crisis or an emergency. At the time, my Mother was 84, my Dad 93, and they were living independently in their own home. Both were driving, and I knew we were on thin ice. Better to aim for the shore before it cracks, I thought. It was only a matter of time.
To be continued…
Update:
Both of my parents have now passed away, my step-father at 96 in 2012, and my mother at 100, in 2024. They both made the transition to the passenger seat, but it did not happen the way we thought it would.
